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Monday 10th January

Joke Of The Day: What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini?   An Olive or twist? 

Are you going to a Job Interview?

Well...A firm, solid handshake is an important part of a successful job interview, according to University of Iowa business professor Greg Stewart. Your handshake is a trigger that sets off an interviewer's overall impression of you. In the study, students who scored high with "handshake raters" were also considered to be the most hireable by "interviewers." Generally, students who scored high on the handshake were seen as having more extroverted personalities, so they scored better with the interviewers because of greater ease with small talk, eye contact and other social skills. But those whose handshakes were weak and wimpy generally seemed to have less gregarious personalities and were less impressive to the interviewers. This is the first study to quantify the importance of a good handshake in the job interview process.
    Thing's That Became Obsolete in the last 10 Years
  • Paper maps:
  • Wired phones
  • Long distance call charges
  • Dial-up Internet.
  • Encyclopedias.
  • First records, then 8-track, then cassette, then CDs.
  • Film cameras.
  • Fax machines.
  • Hand-written letters.
  • Any thing else then let me know

Thursday 30th December

Joke Of The Day: I was telling a friend of mine how my wife hurt her foot when climbing on a volcano a few years ago. 'Krakatoa?' he asked. 'No.' I said, 'she only sprained her ankle.'

If You would like more Laughs than you can shake a stick at...Then take a look at this collection of Jokes! Here

Wednesday 29th December

Joke Of The Day: Scrooge walked into a pub with a black and white decorative theme...Bar Humbug!

Do you think Bill Gates got really fed up this year with people trying to pass off Windows as their idea?

Want To Be More Attractive:

Turns out the most attractive people also get the most sleep. A new study by the Karolinska Institute in Sweden shows that people who get more sleep appear more attractive. In experiments, observers consistently found photos of sleep-deprived subjects to be uglier than well-rested subjects. Researchers suggest the findings show that humans are sensitive to sleep-related facial cues, with ‘potential implications for social and clinical judgments and behavior’. (My translation: You look like crap … get some sleep!)

For the record:

A glitzy hotel in Abu Dhabi UAE is asking Guinness World Records to certify it is home to the ‘World’s Most Expensive Christmas Tree’. The jewel-encrusted tree which adorns the lobby of the Emirates Palace hotel is said to be worth over £11 million. Scores of precious stones are draped on the tree’s branches, alongside more traditional baubles and lights. Not surprisingly, the tree is protected by 24/7 security, including 4 guards and video cameras. Ironically, the vast majority of the population of the UAE is Muslim, although Abu Dhabi is considered very liberal.

Did You Know...
  • Freddie Mercury, Rod Stewart, and Elton John were once going to form a band, called Hair, Nose & Teeth.
  • The English language has doubled in worldwide popularity over the past century.
  • The average adult spends 24 minutes-a-day fetching and drinking hot drinks.
  • Patients recover quicker from surgery when looking at trees.

Worst Christmas Cracker Jokes Of All Time

  • Did you hear about the invisible Santa? You can’t see him, but you can feel his presents.
  • What do you call Santa Claus when he’s almost late? Saint Nick-of-time.
  • What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
  • What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
  • What do the elves call it when St Nick claps at the end of a concert? Santapplause.
  • Why was Santa’s helper depressed? He had low elf esteem.
  • What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
  • What do you get when you cross Santa Claus with Jessica Alba? A big thank-you from Santa

  • Monday 6th December

    My New Audio website is available with some of the audio that I have used on my radio shows. Click Here.

    Joke Of The Day: My friend has got a job as Santa in a Grotto at my local shopping centre. They tried to make him change his name to Father Christmas but they said they couldn't as there was a clause in his contract.

    LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE: Here are some of the most common lies from Dr Dory Hollander’s book “101 Lies Men Tell Women & Why Women Believe Them” …
    • “What attracts me most is your mind.”
    • “No, I don’t think you’re fat.”
    • “Of course I’m listening to what you’re saying.”
    • “We’ll split household chores 50/50.”
    • “I could never lie to you.
    THINGS DOCTORS SECRETLY WISH THEY COULD TELL YOU: A nationwide survey asked doctors to vent their feelings and reveal what they’d really like to say to patients. Among the replies …
    • If you’re going to be late or miss an appointment, let my office staff know.
    • Please wash before you come to see me.
    • Tell me what you’re worried about right away, not as you’re about to leave.
    • Don’t expect me to read dozens of articles you’ve downloaded from the Internet.
    • If you’re taking herbal supplements or over-the-counter drugs, or using alternative therapies, let me know.
    • Be honest. If you’re not taking your medication as prescribed, tell me.
    • You need to lose weight.

    TURKEY TALK: Poultry provider Butterball has fielded some pretty bizarre questions on its ‘Turkey Hotline’ over the past 25 years. Here are a few favorites … :
    • Do turkeys have belly buttons?
    • Should I remove the plastic wrap before I cook my turkey?
    • Can you thaw a frozen turkey in the bath while the kids are having their bath?
    • How long does it take to thaw a fresh turkey?
    • Does the turkey go in the oven feet first or head first?
    • Can I baste my turkey with suntan lotion?
    • Can I cook the turkey on the engine block of my semi while I’m driving?
    • I cut my turkey in half with a chainsaw. How do I get the chainsaw oil out of the turkey?
    • The turkey in my freezer is 23-years-old. Is it safe to eat? Our Chihuahua is stuck inside the turkey … how do we get him out?

    Christmas Recommendations:

    Wednesday 17th November

    Joke Of The Day: The day after Christmas may be a bit awkward in the Audley Harrison household.

    COUNTRY HALL OF SHAME: According to a new "TIME" magazine ranking, these are country music’s all-time most absurd tunes (many of which, oddly, involve alcohol) …
    • Brad Paisley, "I"m Still a Guy"
    • Bobby Bare, "Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through the Goalposts of Life)"
    • Toby Keith, "I Wanna Talk About Me"
    • Joe Nichols, "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off"
    • Neal McCoy, "Billy"s Got His Beer Goggles On"
    • Billy Currington, "Pretty Good at Drinkin" Beer"
    • Kenny Chesney, "She Thinks My Tractor"s Sexy"
    Interesting What was the "At" symbol on a computer keyboard used for before email?

    Farmers have come up with red Brussels sprouts in time for Christmas. Sorry – still not doing it for me!

    Things You May Not Know:

    While almost everyone knows that Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, few know that Eugene Cernan was the last man on the moon.


Monday 15th November

Joke Of The Day: "I see the thief that steals shirts according to size is still at large."

The best Mickey Mouse impression of the weekend on tv goes to…CHERYL COLE.

10 celebrities in the new series of "I'm a Celebrity" have had to take part in the opening Bush Tucker Trial, which included eating a delicate part of a male kangaroo They then faced an even tougher task – Recognising who Sheryl Gascoigne was!

Former GMTV presenter and British tennis pro Andrew Castle, is 47 today As a former British Tennis player, he knows exactly how the current presenters of ITV’s breakfast programme feel – embarrassed, ashamed and prepared for the worst.

A new survey suggests that women get turned on by the smell of gasoline, paint, printer ink and leather on a man, apparently because they call to mind romantic moments. TV relationship expert Simone Bienne told the Daily Express, "Some weird and wonderful smells can transport us back to a happy memory. This in turn makes us feel more relaxed and drawn to someone." Because there's nothing hotter than a man changing a Hewlett-Packard cartridge, right? Meanwhile, men like their women smelling of lipstick, baby lotion and roasted meat. Which is handy, considering how much lipstick women actually wear.

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