Monday 10th January
Joke Of The Day: What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini?
An Olive or twist? Are you going to a Job Interview?
Wednesday 29th December
Joke Of The Day: Scrooge walked into a pub with a black and white decorative theme...Bar Humbug! Do you think Bill Gates got really fed up this year with people trying to pass off Windows as their idea? Turns out the most attractive people also get the most sleep. A new study by the Karolinska Institute in Sweden shows that people who get more sleep appear more attractive. In experiments, observers consistently found photos of sleep-deprived subjects to be uglier than well-rested subjects. Researchers suggest the findings show that humans are sensitive to sleep-related facial cues, with ‘potential implications for social and clinical judgments and behavior’. (My translation: You look like crap … get some sleep!) A glitzy hotel in Abu Dhabi UAE is asking Guinness World Records to certify it is home to the ‘World’s Most Expensive Christmas Tree’. The jewel-encrusted tree which adorns the lobby of the Emirates Palace hotel is said to be worth over £11 million. Scores of precious stones are draped on the tree’s branches, alongside more traditional baubles and lights. Not surprisingly, the tree is protected by 24/7 security, including 4 guards and video cameras. Ironically, the vast majority of the population of the UAE is Muslim, although Abu Dhabi is considered very liberal. Worst Christmas Cracker Jokes Of All Time
Monday 6th December
My New Audio website is available with some of the audio that I have used on my radio shows. Click Here.Joke Of The Day: My friend has got a job as Santa in a Grotto at my local shopping centre.
They tried to make him change his name to Father Christmas but they said they couldn't as there was a clause in his contract. LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE:
Here are some of the most common lies from Dr Dory Hollander’s book “101 Lies Men Tell Women & Why Women Believe Them” …
THINGS DOCTORS SECRETLY WISH THEY COULD TELL YOU:
A nationwide survey asked doctors to vent their feelings and reveal what they’d really like to say to patients. Among the replies …
- Do turkeys have belly buttons?
- Should I remove the plastic wrap before I cook my turkey?
- Can you thaw a frozen turkey in the bath while the kids are having their bath?
- How long does it take to thaw a fresh turkey?
- Does the turkey go in the oven feet first or head first?
- Can I baste my turkey with suntan lotion?
- Can I cook the turkey on the engine block of my semi while I’m driving?
- I cut my turkey in half with a chainsaw. How do I get the chainsaw oil out of the turkey?
- The turkey in my freezer is 23-years-old. Is it safe to eat? Our Chihuahua is stuck inside the turkey … how do we get him out?
Christmas Recommendations:
Wednesday 17th November
Joke Of The Day: The day after Christmas may be a bit awkward in the Audley Harrison household. COUNTRY HALL OF SHAME:
According to a new "TIME" magazine ranking, these are country music’s all-time most absurd tunes (many of which, oddly, involve alcohol) …
Farmers have come up with red Brussels sprouts in time for Christmas. Sorry – still not doing it for me! While almost everyone knows that Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, few know that Eugene Cernan was the last man on the moon. Joke Of The Day: "I see the thief that steals shirts according to size is still at large." The best Mickey Mouse impression of the weekend on tv goes to…CHERYL COLE.
10 celebrities in the new series of "I'm a Celebrity" have had to take part in the opening Bush Tucker Trial, which included eating a delicate part of a male kangaroo
They then faced an even tougher task – Recognising who Sheryl Gascoigne was!
A new survey suggests that women get turned on by the smell of gasoline, paint, printer ink and leather on a man, apparently because they call to mind romantic moments.
TV relationship expert Simone Bienne told the Daily Express, "Some weird and wonderful smells can transport us back to a happy memory. This in turn makes us feel more relaxed and drawn to someone." Because there's nothing hotter than a man changing a Hewlett-Packard cartridge, right?
Meanwhile, men like their women smelling of lipstick, baby lotion and roasted meat. Which is handy, considering how much lipstick women actually wear.
Interesting What was the "At" symbol on a computer keyboard used for before email?
Monday 15th November
